10/31/2004 09:32:00 PM|W|P|klomprangkentang|W|P|Have you ever seen a rainbow?
I have... well to tell you the truth it's the most awesome thing. It was somewhere up in the sky cause I coldn't really figured out where it was cause even if I go there I wouldn't find it. I can see it but from a distance. But that's OK cause I also know that if I try to see it up close then it wouldn't be as amazing cause it'll just be water vapor in the sky.
This beautiful rainbow consist of all the colours there are. It's really colouring the sky with something beautiful. When I get to see this raibow several times it made my heart full of joy, happiness, smile and awe. it never made me frown or sad from it's existence. And never have I heard a person saying bad things about a rainbow. Meaning just about everybody enjoys it's presence and like the colourful sky once in a while.
But I also found out that this rainbow only comes out ever so often. You may only enjoy the presence of a rainbow after a series of "bad" situations. It only comes out after a thunderous rain, dark scary clouds, storm, heavy wind, thunder, lightning and the sort.
That's exactly what I learnt through my life these few days. I really feel the rainbow of my Lord is coming upon me. After the rain and the darkness that I've been through, I'm beginning to see the clouds clearing up and I know that soon after all the clouds have cleared up, I will truly see this beautiful rainbow of my life. I have been in such a hard situation that I was forced to make a decision, either to fully trust the Lord and everything about Him or not at all.
I truly say that I am so very lucky. As I have said in the earlier post that I find it hard to depend fully on God. Well that era is out the door. I really trully learning new things in my life and trusting God with my life is amazing. I never felt better, even though I haven't seen anything yet. Nothing has changed yet, in fact some may say that it got "worse". But amazingly I can really put my trust in my Father who provided me with the best feeling I have ever felt. The feeling of satisfaction and happiness.
This day will really go down in history of my life. That is when God made me into a zero so that He may use me with the fullness of His power. cause if I think that I'm something then the power of God will not work through me fully as He would like it to work. Now Lord, use me and mold me into anything You wish master. Cause I know that if I have faith in You then Your rainbow will satisfy me as You have satisfied my life.
- What do you think - 
|W|P|109923501385758019|W|P|Rainbow|W|P|hendra@gmail.com10/27/2004 08:30:00 AM|W|P|klomprangkentang|W|P|
God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
God will make a way
Today I really learned something new. When I asked God to make me a zero and have nothing.....He did just that. Today I have nothing as in almost nothing.
Well yesterday after a fight with my GF we learned to forgive each other in God and are getting better at it and not keep the pain anymore. That's fine, but another fear immerge from the underground. After we went to counseling yesterday, I took my GF home and to my surprise, I wasn't welcome there anymore by her parents. Hmmm...I was pretty freaked out. I mean I have just gone through a rough time in my life and when I'm trying to get up, something like this came up. That's really frustating. But I gave it up to God.
This morning, I realized that I have no money left, not even to last me 2 days. I really mean no money, as I haven't receive my pay for this month and at the end of the month I will have to get out of this job. That makes me a zero. And I haven't got anybody that I can rely on to help me...and I realized that I don't need anybody cause I have my Father the provider.
I'm also in the midst of finding a new job. I have brought it up to God and until today I haven't been called for an interview. But I'm not worried cause I know my Father will give it at the right time and never too late.
I'm trying to learn how to really depend on my saviour without a doubt in my life. This has been what I wanted to do, but never have the courage to do it. But from this day on, I really want to learn Lord to trust You 100% and I'm not turning back.
It's quite difficult for someone like me to put a trust on somebody else 100% cause I was born with a feeling that no one can do it better than yourself, so most of the time I trusted myself. But Lord I want to start putting You in first place and trusting You with everything I have, cause they all belong to You and I belong to You. Please help me Lord, this is my prayer. I know that You will make a way for me in Your time......at the right time.Perfect time. Thank You Father
- What do you think - |W|P|109884208587272178|W|P|A zero in no time|W|P|hendra@gmail.com10/23/2004 08:38:00 AM|W|P|klomprangkentang|W|P|Oh how I really wanted to be a zero, Lord. All my life I've been taught how to be a hero, someone that other people will look up to. Someone that everybody feels proud of. And I was also taught to be proud of myself, when all that I do doesn't deserve anything as such.
Oh how i want to be just a zero, that doesn't have anything to prove. That doesn't have any grand ego that's ruling over my life. Oh how I want to be a zero that noone have to look up to. cause I'm nothing of the sort.
Oh how I want to be a zero that always depends on SOMEBODY bigger than me. How I always wanted to seek protection from Thee, o Lord. How I want always to be nothing so that my ego doesn't stop me from seeking You.
Please make of me a zero so that I may be able to grow up through my knowledge of You and maybe, just maybe someday You'll make me a hero in Your presence. Amen
- What do you think - |W|P|109849659721820093|W|P|Zero ...Zilch...|W|P|hendra@gmail.com10/15/2004 10:45:00 AM|W|P|klomprangkentang|W|P|I really need a vacation. I really, truly need a very lonnnggg and nice vacation. Why couldn't I find the time to be with myself and think about all my life, what I wanna become and what I wanna do in the near future.
I really need to reflect on all my daily activities, what I have done and evaluate on how I'm living in this world. To tell you the truth, I'm not really a guy that likes to do these things. I'm a rather spontaneous person, I don't sit around and plan my daily life. I can just jump from one activity to the next without it being planned in the first place. What i like to do, then I do it.
But I actually feel how this is a very dangerous habit. That I'm not living as i wanted to be. Not living as I needed to be and for the purpose that I was here in the first place. I realize that with a life I'm living at the moment, I'm going nowhere and actually doing nothing that's "really important". What i'm actually doing is just having "fun (??)" when I need to be focusing on more major issues of life.
All my daily activities, such as office routines, basketball, this and that is actually making me into a monster. I feel that all these routines are just taking up all my time without really meaning anything in my life.
FYI, I don't really enjoy what I'm doing at the moment cause I don't think that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I wanna live my life to the fullest. I don't feel that I'm showing all my capabilities at this stage. I feel that I am capable of doing more things with my life but at the moment I'm just too slow and not working hard enough. Maybe it's the environment, maybe it's also that I don't enjoy this thing anymore, maybe I just get bored easily, or maybe it's just not the perfect job in my mind. But whatever it is, I need time to think about it all by myself in my own time that I don't have much right now.
God i know that You were always there, even though I feel soooooooo very dry. I don't know what to do with my life, and I bet you do. But the thing is, Lord. sometimes I just can't hear Your voice as clear that I have doubts in my head. Forgive me Father, but I really need You and reeaaalllly need to hear Your voice if I may but clearer Lord. That's my prayer to you. Hope that You are listening.
- What do you think - |W|P|109781488793503369|W|P|In need of a long vacation|W|P|hendra@gmail.com10/22/2005 10:04:00 AM|W|P| |W|P|blog/site to my favorites. I also have a blog/site you're invited to visit10/08/2004 08:11:00 AM|W|P|klomprangkentang|W|P|Hmmmm......
Been rather depressed lately, I don't know with all the troubles and problems that I'm facing these few days, I am ready to burst. I feel that I'm not living as myself, I have been living my life not the way I'd wanted it to be. I have my hopes and dreams since I was much younger but I feel that I am not living anywhere near my dreams. Too many compromises and not much of risk taking. I don't know what I have to do to get out of it all.
I'm really quite stressed out. Really. And I think guys, that I better have some time to myself to figure things out myself. I might not be posting anything for some times.
I don't even feel alive anymore. God...forgive me.
- What do you think - |W|P|109719853694782232|W|P|Forgive me|W|P|hendra@gmail.com10/05/2004 11:58:00 AM|W|P|klomprangkentang|W|P|Indonesia has a new leader, officially yesterday (4/10). Yup as we may have all known, even from the beginning of the vote counting period, that Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono has been elected by the Indonesian people as their new President, the sixth so far since the Indonesian Independence.
Some people, especially the followers of Megawati Soekarno Putri, may be dissapointed that their candidate didn't make it up to the stage. But we should all be thankful that the three rounds of elections that we held since April 2004 until September election has been excellent. These three rounds didn't cause much chaos in Indonesia, and went quite well, democratically. Besides the bombing that happened (that we don't know is it election related or not)probably there wasn't any major issue that cause lack of insecurity. So we might just say that the election was a success.
Now we have a new guy sitting up there. From the campaigning that he'd been doing he's quite a charming leader. But is that only from the front end? What about after a year, how charming will he stay? Also with the not so charming people around him...could he stay the same and lead us as he said that he would?
I agree that we should give chances to anyone that should lead this country. I don't expect too much changes in the near future especially the corruption and collussion. I think that it's here to stay, in the near future anyway. Nobody can lead and take Indonesia out of these mess in a year so let us all be patient about it.
I don't really know if I should be excited that SBY should lead or that I should be sad. FYI I also voted on him, but that is because my lack of trust to the Mega government. But I also know that if God should allow this man to sit as president then He's got something going for SBY and Indonesia. I know that it'll be for the best.
I have a few personal fears also that could happen in the future, and maybe some of you may have known and share the same thoughts with me. But I wanna just give it up to God and let God be the real ruler of Indonesia, that we may all live in peace.
To Pak SBY,
Thank you for giving us a little faith in you. You may have known the problems that keep on pulling Indonesia back to the big hole and difficult to get up. I bet you understand how and what to do, to at least minimize them and take us all out of this big stinking hole.
Please don't hesitate to use your power to get rid of all the injustice in Indonesia. And I wish that you may use your heart while ruling so that you may see what's right and wrong and that you may not repeat the same mistake that had been done by your predecessor.
Please look at us all, your people...the people of Indonesia. From the smallest to the highest level. Feel our needs and please don't discriminate us.
May God bless you and always be in your heart to guide you and keep you on the right track to get us all out of here safely.
Thank you
- What do you think - |W|P|109695409237598839|W|P|New President|W|P|hendra@gmail.com
|W|P|blog/site to my favorites. I also have a blog/site you're invited to visit